A series of photographs and words about what it is like to be a mother during a pandemic, isolated at home. How we are feeling with so much change and so many fears. By photographing mothers through the window, I aimed to explore that feeling of being needed and wanted all the time as a mother, which is amplified during this pandemic. The physicality of the everyday with young kids. The two sides that each moment brings of being so loved and in love with your family, and wanting an escape. The mundane things that you have to do over and over. The beautiful things that have come from a forced togetherness.
Over the past 12 weeks I spoke with and interviewed both mothers I photographed and mothers who are a part of my community and life. The following is what they had to say:
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Shelter in place has manifested many beautiful moments of parenting and mindfulness. This is not that. I am a mother stuck in the nebulous places between productivity, caregiving, and a nervous breakdown.
I need to acknowledge that I am writing this from a very lucky position. I am privileged that my husband is still working at this point, from home, and it seems relatively stable for the time being. I am also in the fortunate position of being able to be flexible with my work while Rufus is at home with me all day, and I want to acknowledge that right off the bat. However, I have always thought that motherhood was made up of endless decision making, and I am feeling it more than ever.
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Sometimes I feel so much joy and beauty, that my heart breaks thinking of losing it. Sometimes I am faced with so much nameless fear that I can’t move. I took photos while I was going through this pattern I know so intimately this summer (2019).
A few weeks after I turned 25, I found myself sitting in a hotel lobby outside of Philadelphia with my parents, panic filling my esophagus with acid, watching the Oscars with the other guests and feeling the most surreal I had ever felt. The next day I would check into an inpatient treatment facility for girls and women with eating disorders and all of the other mental illnesses and burdens that accompany them.
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