Posts in Loved
WHY MOMS NEED TO GET IN THE PICTURE...AND WHY IT IS SO HARD

The Struggle to Get in Front of the camera

When Rufus was almost a year old I scheduled family photos to be taken with the ever lovely Lora Grady.  I ended up postponing those pictures for a week. One week turned into two, turned into three. Suddenly it was a month later and I still didn’t feel ready.  I was waiting to lose weight, see if my thin hair would thicken back up, have the perfect outfit. I was waiting for a magic day when I would feel great about myself. I am lucky my photographer was also by bff, and she gently encouraged me (ie forced) me into photos. I haven’t looked back since. 

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Self Portraits + My History with Depression and Eating Disorders | Seattle Portrait Photographer

Sometimes I feel so much joy and beauty, that my heart breaks thinking of losing it. Sometimes I am faced with so much nameless fear that I can’t move. I took photos while I was going through this pattern I know so intimately this summer (2019).

A few weeks after I turned 25, I found myself sitting in a hotel lobby outside of Philadelphia with my parents, panic filling my esophagus with acid, watching the Oscars with the other guests and feeling the most surreal I had ever felt. The next day I would check into an inpatient treatment facility for girls and women with eating disorders and all of the other mental illnesses and burdens that accompany them.

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Checking In: Changes and Improvements at CMP

First Things First

I heard about Courtney on a podcast. I always have a podcast on. Doing dishes? Check. Driving without Rufus? Check. Going for a walk? Check. It is not surprising then, that a podcast led me to one of the best discoveries I have made for my business. Her story and drive to help creatives really understand how to build a sustainable business resonated with me and I reached out to her that night. 

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My New Mother Terror and A Seattle In-home Newborn Session

memories from those first weeks

The light is always on.

Rolling over, I push my cheek to your open mouth. I wait to feel your breath.
When that gentle exhale of milky air reaches my face
I savor a moment of relief.
The moment is a mere firefly of hope. It sparks and alights the night, it fades just as quickly.

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Motherhood Right Now

Motherhood is wanting to read books and cuddle my almost four year old forever. To press his little face against mine and kiss him and listen to his wild imagination. It is pride at a new word, a new friend made, a new song sung. It is wanting him to grow no bigger so that I can always hold his weight in my arms and feel his body fit against mine. Motherhood is also losing my patience when he asks for one more song, one more story, sixty-nine more minutes of cuddling before shutting his eyes and giving me a respite from the demands and questions that his quick little mind supplies endlessly. It is impatience and frustration at shoes not put on, meals left untouched, being told “no one loves you and that’s the truth.”

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Dallas TX In-Home Family Session | Seattle Family Photographer

I go home to Texas a few times a year and always love when I have the opportunity to photography families while I am there. The change in light and scenery are inspiring and fun. This session was particularly special because it involved David’s friend (and mine, but his friend first) from college. We went to college in Switzerland, so it was incredible to see Stephanie back in Texas, now married with two sweet boys. Thank you, Stephanie, for the chance to catch up, meet the fam, and document this time in your life.

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