Into Motherhood | Nataliya
Into Motherhood: A monthly photo + poem series inspired by authentic interviews with everyday moms.
Meet Nataliya
Do you ever feel like your life turned out different than you expected it to? For example, I never thought my kids would have tablets (haha), eat boxed or frozen food (haha), or talk back (haha). In seriousness though, sometimes circumstances or tough choices can strip us of the lives we *thought* we’d live. And instead, we settle into one particular version of ourselves.
Author Cheryl Stray calls these other dream-versions of our lives, “sister lives”. She writes: “I'll never know, and neither will you, of the life you don't choose. We'll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn't carry us. There's nothing to do but salute it from the shore.”
Our featured mom, Nataliya, had dreams of mothering many children- but infertility and loss stripped her of that dream. Instead, life gave her one, beautiful, radiant daughter, Anya. Nataliya said, “One of my struggles in motherhood, which is ongoing, is accepting our reality as an only child family. I never thought this would be us. It's taken me longer than it should've to make peace with it.”
So how do we make peace with our “sister lives”? How do we salute them from shore, and then enjoy the one we received? Nataliya offers us sage advice. “We must focus on what we do have," she says, “and not what we don’t.” In her case, she focuses on the blessing of having a daughter to share conversations, board games, TV shows, and laughter with. As well as the capacity to pursue her own talents and skills (she’s an incredible photographer).
She also applies this to her Pakistan- American cultures. We asked her if there were any values she hopes her daughter brings into adulthood. She answered that she hopes Anya views her dual cultures as a gift, not a burden. Nataliya said, “I wish for my daughter to grow up appreciating the best parts of the two cultures. That instead of it feeling like a burden, it can help her find her best self. I hope she sees it like I do- a privilege to have a window into two worlds.“
It was a privilege to enter your world, Nataliya! To learn how you make the best of life. And how we can all navigate the loss of our sister- lives by remembering the beauty of our current one.
LOVE MADE VISIBLE
I’ll never live, and neither will you, those invisible
dreams stolen by circumstances.
Look at the bright side, they say.
With hardship comes ease, they say.
I take my camera and capture all the things
I don’t want to lose sight of.
My radiant daughter. My true love.
Us strung together by hugs, shows,
board games, laughter. Over time
snapshot flashes become soft lit rooms
become days of golden sunshine.
And I remember to love more. To give more.
To be still more. To rest more, in acceptance and ease.
So it can linger. So I can hold it longer.
So all that I can’t bear dissolves.
So I can stand in a light
so illuminating and blinding, only
love is made visible.