A series of photographs and words about what it is like to be a mother during a pandemic, isolated at home. How we are feeling with so much change and so many fears. By photographing mothers through the window, I aimed to explore that feeling of being needed and wanted all the time as a mother, which is amplified during this pandemic. The physicality of every day with young kids.  The two sides that each moment brings of being so loved and in love with your family, and wanting an escape. The mundane things that you have to do over and over. The beautiful things that have come from a forced togetherness.

Over the past 12 weeks, I spoke with and interviewed both mothers I photographed and mothers who are a part of my community and life. The following is what they had to say:

*This series was picked up by Mom.com and can be found here.

Mamas discuss Motherhood During the Pandemic

Jessica, at home with Sophia (3) and her newborn daughter, Olivia.
“The hardest thing of having a child during the pandemic was the uncertainty. The uncertainty of not knowing whether I would be alone in the delivery room. Was my shortness of breath because I was sick? Or is it because I was 8 months pregnant? When will my family meet my daughter? What will be the new normal life for my daughters?”

Sarah, at home with Harper (4) and Lillian (2):
”My patience is tested each day more now than ever. With each request, whine, and sibling fight, I feel myself fighting the feeling of boiling over. What has helped me, knowing that they, the kids, are going through this too. Every time my daughter looks out her bedroom window she cries because she can see her neighbors, her good friends, playing on their new outdoor playset and she knows she can’t go over and play with them. Each time they see their Grandparents, they cry when they realize they can’t give them hugs and kisses and can’t play at their house. My 2 year old, who is an active child who used to do weekly gymnastics, art music and dance classes, has now been throwing tantrums about every 80 seconds. Being home bound like this is not how she wants to live her life. So every time I start to feel angry or frustrated at my kids, I have to remember that we ONLY have each other right now and they need me to stay calm and stable so their life that feels so different, can still feel safe. 

I read a book lately that said that each moment we are given the chance to either react or to choose our response. I have to remind myself of this about every 80 seconds.”

 Laura, at home with Max (2.75):
"I think this is both a gift, like you said, of time with our families, AND a time of survival. My friend Chelley said today that there's too much being shared about schedules and magical things you can create for your kids, when really, we just need to do the best we can for our family's mental health and take the pressure off. Especially for those of us mourning the state of the world and worrying about things bigger than us. Anyway, solidarity. I've really been thinking about the whole "it takes a village" concept, especially when our kids (and we) are struggling with something. Like, we need our teams. I have no idea how people are doing this. I have a pile of recycling I've been meaning to take out for weeks that's become part of our decor.  I keep thinking today, ‘If I have to answer one more question, I'm going to scream.’ Anyway, I think it's normal, especially right now. We all need a break.”

Elise, at home with Antonio (6) and Zeke (3) :
“I was thinking about how our kids were playing together and how whenever they got close, we told them to separate. I wonder if Rufus and Zeke naturally gravitated to play on their own because it felt like they were getting in trouble every time they got close. I wonder about the two of them but about this more globally when some sort of normal returns. It’s interesting to think about being told to move away without being able to fully comprehend what’s going on.

I think it’s just confusing. All of our kids have been sick and seen us sick, so they understand what being sick is. But now all of a sudden, it feels like everyone could be a carrier, being near anyone could be dangerous. I’m sure our kids looks and think, my friend doesn’t seem sick, what’s wrong with them? It’s hard to understand. Also it works for adults to have a conversation at a 6 foot distance, but can kids play 6 feet away or at that point are they playing alone? It’s a very strange time.”

Becca, at home with Macey (3) and Harrison (1): 
”We are just feeling cooped up haha. I’m someone who’s usually out of the house with the kids by 8 most days. Sometimes it’s lovely to just slow down and be at home, sometimes it’s overwhelming! Macey is not understanding which is hard, but she’s learning a lot from Daniel Tiger 😆”

Nataliya, at home with Anya (8):
”I've felt too many feelings this past month. Worry, anxiety, gratefulness, sadness, grief, calm, optimism, overwhelm. Too much of a roller coaster! This week was the good kind though & I’m all hopeful and motivated right now. Just wanted to put out this little reminder for you if you're having a hard time (and myself next time I'm deep in the blues): it will get better, you will be okay! ⁠⠀

Things that help: accept the way you're feeling, distract yourself with a show or a book if it works, make time for yourself and do what recharges you, talk to someone, get help .. sometimes we just have to ride it out.. but there is light at the end of the tunnel.But also on her child’s ever expanding creative mess and creations:

Her artwork and creative messes are driving me nuts. And I feel like such a bad mom, she thinks I don’t like her art, and I don’t know how to deal. I try to remind myself she’ll grow out of it

But it’s hard to ignore it because I want some order in her room. We have a fight every time I go to her room at this point really. it’s kind of funny, but I love her confidence.”

Adrienne, at home with Lucca (1) and Sofie (3.5): 
“Man what an impossible task we have in front of us! I am on a roller coaster of emotions. Some days (today) I am so happy to have more time with the kiddos, but other days man I just lose it. I’m so angry and sad for them... and for us! And I’m so bored, but also so fucking busy. I crave fun. I just want to go to golden gardens and have a picnic and I want Luca to take a stupid music class and I want Sofie to go back to preschool!”

 Colleen, at home with Zoe ( 5) and Tomas (3):
“So thankful our children are so young that they still find joy so easily, but also secretly worried that they will be traumatized in the long run in ways I can’t compensate for or anticipate. The lack of social interaction, or physical touch with others, how will this influence who they become? Will it? On one hand I’m so thankful they are so young but then again all the experts say the first five years are the most important.”

 Jacklyn, at home with Kaya (5) and Ami (3):
”Hi! Well, the silver lining in all of this is definitely the gift of time with the girls. I spend anywhere from 4-8 hours per day in meetings, at least half of which are meetings that I run. But in between those meetings, and sometimes during the meetings, there are extra hugs, kissing of owwies, “I love you’s”, and midday snack and ice cream breaks. All things that I don’t normally get to do during a regular work day. That being said, there are plenty of challenges—moments where I lose my cool because I’m breaking up an argument or changing a diaper 3 minutes before I have to present to foundation leadership. To say that I’m exhausted would be an understatement. I basically work round the clock to keep up with family responsibilities and work demands.

Every day, including weekends, is a combination of family life and work blocks. There is no “me” time.

As an introvert, the absence of quiet time is maddening. There are very few opportunities to recharge because every moment, from the second I’m woken up by one is two kids at 6:00 a.m. is spent attending to everyone else’s needs and my professional responsibilities. My entire day is making sure I don’t drop the 27 plates I’m spinning on my fingers, toes, and forehead.

Of course, there’s also plenty of comedy because, yes, I most definitely drop anywhere between one to most of those plates at some point. And sometimes that means that the kids get orange juice in their cereal, or that I show up to a big meeting with only half my makeup on, or that I end up not contributing to a conversation during a meeting because I can’t actually hear what’s being said over all the kid noise in the background. Or because I have to keep myself muted and turn my video off during a meeting because Ami has joined said meeting waving a fresh diaper in the air, screaming that I need to to change her *RIGHT NOW* because her current diaper contains a really big poop. Hahaha #truestory”